sleep on it

Over summer i picked up this book, called the new rules of lifting and i've finally managed to get through it all. I've managed to pull a program together from the programs given in the book. But one problem. Just have to start.
I feel like i have to come clean with something whenever I'm writing here, just to satisfy my conscience and get that monkey off my back. It is most likely that I do too much self analysis which, doesn't lend to a very healthy mind if not done in moderation.
There are two types of people in this situation that i'm thinking about, people who fulfil any promise they say, and people who don't. I feel that i has become some form of standard to which i must base who I am on but I know this is utter bullshit. No one can honestly live up to every single promise they put down unless promises aren't made when not attainable. This is more complex than i thought.

One would make a promise but only when one knows they are capable of fulfilling it. that seems to be the fairest possibly way to both you, the promiser, and the other person, the promisee. There are people who make promises when they have no idea whether or not they can fulfil it and most of the time can but occasionally cannot because they physically cannot complete what has been promised in the allocated time, or people who make promises and are capable of completing them but just don't.

I'm going to sleep on this one for a bit... lets see how it turns out in the morning.

A Question.

What is happiness?

I don't mean the Oxford Dictionary definition, simply what is it? Back to the basics of ideas and questions. A simple question defined by an endless infinitely complex definition. Many philosophers have asked the question of "Who we are?" and "Why are we here." etc. This is just another of the many.

Through thinking deeply on this question, an answer somewhere from my subconscious presents itself but it never suffices to satisfy my desperate want to understand and find happiness.

So I keep asking my self:

What is "Happiness"?

Non-verbal directions... on the phone.

Have you ever noticed that when you're giving direction on the phone, you notice yourself point in the direction of the location.

Ever notice someone else talk about somewhere and then naturally point to it or attempt to indicate something and they play it out with their hand while on the phone?

But the other person can't see...

It's done so naturally. Though other person isn't' there to see it's interesting to wonder if the pointing/body language comes across in the tone of your voice and the person on the other side understands where you're directing them.

I should make a social experiment of this.

The Throatie.

I shall name it: Throatie.

It's the patch of hair under your chin. A goatee which has traversed the treacherous "double chin" area and settled that little further south for the summer.

It feels awkward.

The Brain Pt.1

Nearly 7am here and my mind is laced with half a million thoughts! Some useful and interesting, some utterly pointless and other just blasts from the past. Its almost like a pendulum that has been started and is in a system where friction and resistance does not exist, it just keeps swinging back and forth, from one idea to another. We weren't quite born with an off switch installed. Like a computer is it possible to upgrade?

I wouldn't consider sleeping as an "off" function of the brain but more of a, well, "sleep" function that you find on a Pocket PC, PDA or Laptop. Sleeping is more for brain recovery, repair and "re-wiring" so even in "rest" the brain doesn't stop it merely changes function - much like the defragmentation of a hard drive. I wonder then, are dreams just like a movie to distract us from what's actually happening behind the screen? But I believe they are as a result of our brain conducting these "repairs".

Interesting though. Keep thinking!

Bubble Boy!

Just incase nuclear armagedon will happen tomorrow, you better suit up your kids appropriately! Visit the website and browse around.

Make sure your children are wearing the latest in chemical, biological and nuclear safe fashion. They just might thank you, when they're the coolest kid in a bubble!

One Number

5:09am. I'm in bed, and once again my brain has just shut down. I had no clue... No wait it just hit me! The Australian, more so the Victorian secondary education system.

For fifteen years - well most students its 13 years - I've been working towards this one outcome. One number. I was led to believe during this time that depending on this result, I would either be a successful person, or an unsuccessful person in "life".

Fifteen years of my life has been, to a certain extent, wasted away for one numerical value which will then "Define me as a person for the rest of my life." If any students are about to embark on this journey or will at some stage in their future, IT DOESN'T MEAN SHIT! Excuse the vulgaraties but! As a student who received an average ENTER score (64.1 out of a potential 99.95) I'm at the verge of embarking into a course and career path I'm very passionate about.

Now I was very lucky, my course did not require a specific score just for you to have obtain one and pass English and make it through two or three stages of pre-selection. Unfortunately for most other degree courses, a minimum ENTER score was required for admission into that course. If I had been unsuccessful, plan B looked very poor - same applies for 50% of the population that scored below me - due to most other courses requiring scores of at least 70.00 or above. It has become another form of discrimination which alone, can lead to many people not receiving a higher education and in some situations, further lead to a sub-standard quality of life.

How can we reform the system & society's attitudes to better understand & accommodate for casualties of a poorly designed secondary education assessment system?

Tatu... all grown up

{Just to start off with, links in this post may contain supposedly graphic images! Just to let you know}

Good god!!! I just downloaded the Tatu video clip "All about us" to see why it was getting censored over here in Malaysia. It happened to be the "uncensored" version, which indeed it is! Most "fragile" minds that the government here considers to exist among the community, certainly would not be able to handle this.

I believe the black haired girl... Julia perhaps? gets raped and beaten by a lover, to the point where she finds some bullets and then seeks out a gun! After which she loads the bullets into the clip, I think it's about 3 or 4 bullets, and blows the brains out - quite literally - of her attacker.

Now this is graphically represented by, what I believe is, raw mince with possibly a bit of color to it thrown against a white sheet hanging on the wall to signify, very clearly, that his brains have been blown out the back of his skull!

Surprise surprise! FYI in real life Julial actually has a daughter. This is all very interesting... more info here

bed time

I've decided... Is is time for bed. Now arriving at 6am and with the sun rising the best place to be right now is bed. I've been up all night working on this blog and I've learnt so much about how to modify certain components and add things etc. I'm on my way to becoming a well established nerd!

Ok I'm starting to see "things" in the corners of my eye... better keep them closed!

Sheepy sheep

Wow mental blank... What was i going to say? Maybe if i wait a minute it'll come back into my head...

Ah yes!

Memory was just spooling. I know things cannot be grossly generalised but in this case lets do so! I've noticed people have a tendancy of either being "sheep" or... well would you say "shephards"? The sheep follow, and the shephards lead [well no-der]. "Shephards" have something the "sheep" like to follow, or join or something else. As you traverse the wonderful world wide web [wwww] - well chat rooms, internet dating sites, blogs even etc - you find certain people being almost hounded by the masses because they seem to posses something which these sheeps find somewhat appealing. Hmm i must add to the generalisation and sub-devide the "sheep" catagory.

Sheeps can be split into, "dumb sheep", "brave sheep", "scared sheep". Let me explain, the dumb ones will follow irrespective; the brave will well.. hmm could you really count them sheep actually? Well anyway they will approach any fad/trend with confidence and attempt to follow etc. infact the brave ones have the potential to be upgraded into shephards. they have a lot of potential! now the scared one... the scared little sheepy is just like me, it wants to be the brave one, or even the dumb one. Out of lack of confidence or maybe common sense it has a tendency not to follow out of fear of embarassment, or losing ones way.

Generalisations aside, I don't believe that all people can be slotted into one of these 4 catagories. Depending on the situation they can be any one of them simultaneously and simultaneously in general.

So. "Bah" to you all! It's time to get back to mindless surfing!

Mini Bio

Lets start at what's happening now:

I just finished school at the tender age of 19 {I'm 20 soon} and made it into an Industrial Design course but right now I'm on a gap year, to make some money so I can buy that sports car before I find my self about 50 and in the midst of a mid life crisis! Inconveniently, I'm partially unemployed, another one of life's hurdles make things a little interesting!

A bit more about the past/beginning/me:

I originated from my mother and father (lets not get into detail about how that exactly happened), who happen to be from different countries! Which inturn created an interesting path for my life to go down! Traveling internationally became too normal for an 8 year old. Long distances/time periods on a plane were more familiar to me than a long bus ride, in turn one replaced the other in comparison to most kids my age.

Something form the "middle" lets make it at about 10 years of age ey? {half of 20yrs}:

Oh! That's right my mum had her operation!... Yes she's still my mother it wasn't one of those and no it isn't a sympathy plea {but then again you never thought of it that way did you? Thanks}. As a result: off to live with my other parent, dad. Critical point I failed to mention! Parents managed to get them selves divorced between the time I was born and the "middle".

Albeit the Frequent flier miles were a nice little benefit!

Samurai Jack!

I really feel like I'm in the moment but the moment really isn't anything special. I'm sitting on my backside listening to music writing in my blog. Normally you get a sense of being "in the moment" when something extraordinary/exciting happens or while its happening, e.g. a car crash.

Why is that? Why is it that my mind first leaps to a cliche line or something that I've seen in a movie? I wonder what my life would be like and how I approach certain situations and decide which way to go in order to deal with them.

Monkey see monkey do? hmm what if I was wasn't exposed to all this media, would I even know how to behave/relate/interact with people in this society? What if I was brought up in a totally non-westernized society and then thrown into the middle of one? I'd be a total stranger, absolutely removed from it and people would perceive me exactly the same way.

I remember my auntie telling me a story about how she flew business class once (got upgraded lucky duck) to Australia - she's from Malaysia and grew up in an Asian/Malay society - and here comes a main mean. She had no idea what to do - apart from the basic instinc of eating - but the order of which you consume the food etc. So monkey see monkey do, she immitates this guy across the aisle from her.

Now when ever I'm in a foreign situation I can somehow relate to that story and it always pops up in my head. All new components in a situation seem to be overwhelming and too much to take in at first/for the first time until you see how its done. Although I wonder why she was confused with the meal at first. Maybe it has to do with the nature of Malay food, although I don't believe there is any order to consumption -apart from the dinner than desert- just load up your plate and eat. Maybe it was "how to eat" the food placed informs of you. Did you have to break something off first, or cut it up before eating or do u just shove it in your gob?

the west to a certain extent has, well... Contaminated? Infiltrated? Many different social/cultural environments from across the globe. Its almost like a disease, a sickness with no cure. There are no antibodies for it and we have to continue life with it. But it isn't a crippling part of life? For example if you had the flu, you would need to rest to recover. I suppose this is a very subjective topic, whether or not being westernised is a bad thing. Can it be compared to a disease or not either? Its more like genetic engineering, or altering our DNA. It seems that if you are not westernised you are not part of the greater whole. Actually I don't think I'm getting this right at all... Its all over the place.

lets try this again.

if you are not westernised, then you are underdeveloped. You are not part of the "majority" the "greater whole". So then can I compare this to altering your DNA in some way to fit in? ... No rephrase. hmm is it a question/hypothesis or statement. What am I trying to say here.. In order to function in the greater world today - the western world which has spread it self all over the world - must you be westernised even if you are from a originally (right term?) non western culture/society. I can't seem to get across what's in my head. Its all sort of like trying to fit a square pig into a round hole. If you can imagine that.. Or does that apply to solving problems?

there's so much I want to say, and everything is trying to get out and now I have a roadblock/traffic jam in my head.

I have no idea what I really want to say... Maybe this is just a rant about how much western society has infiltrated so many different societies. Now I know things from the east have been absorbed into the west as well, for example the west discovering India. In the 60s/70s there was a big thing about being all "eastern" and practicing eastern religions and beliefs.

this is all reminding me of something my dad told me about how things that teach or something, can also absorb aspects of the things they're teaching.. I'll find out what its called again later. But for some reason I think that applies here. And it seems very true. There are many elements of the east, middle east, Africa etc in western culture today. Its sort of fused together and become one big multicultural world. So I guess I set out on the wrong path, I believe I was attempting to criticism western society's infiltration globally in order to understand whets in my head but that's not the right approach. There are many elements of each society/culture in either one. In Malaysia people use tables and chairs now and cutlery as part of their meal. Though many do eat using their hands still (it really does save on washing up). But then again the west has embraced and started to use components of the east, people do eat on the floor and occasionally use their hands when they eat etc simple things like that. Or even shoes off in the house. Components of "the source" - knowledge/culture/religion - gets accepted and integrated into the people, but at the same time "the source" intergrates and assimilates components from the people to adapt to that specific environment. Black and white just becomes one big grey region...

aight back to samurai jack! [another child of east meeting west]

one for the guitarists!

What guitars do I have?

• Ibanez RG770FM dbk {dark black flamed maple, rosewood fret board. It is currently out of production and is both rare and somewhat sort after! Quite a lucky fluke!}
  
• Custom made guitar {it's a squire strat with a new body and some new cosmetic touches (bridge, knobs), I made it in one of my classes at school}
• Yamaha classical guitar {very nice tone, excellent resonance and is surprisingly loud! This is the first guitar I learnt how to play on!}
• Squire Affinity strat {black body, white pick guard, maple fretboard}
• Suzuki acoustic guitar {I somehow managed to get my mum to pay for most of it, thanks mum ;) ha ha!}
  
• Some random nylon string acoustic

I've pretty much listen them in order of quality/special to me. They all have names but at this stage they're unexplainable private.

Amplifiers:

• Smokey amp, it rules! Its surprisingly loud if utilized as a pre-amp, it can power a quad box.
• Ibanez 15Watt practice amp
• Leem 20Watt practice amp

FX pedals:

• Boss Drive Zone [twin pedal]
• Boss Graphic Equalizer;
  
• Jim Dunlop 535 Cry Baby [adjustable Wah Wah peddle]
• Marshal Blues Breaker [its the original one, out of production I believe so]
• Ibanez Power Lead
• Fender Chromatic Tuner pedal

Return home

Coming back to Malaysia has made me deal with, let me rephrase, think about a lot of things that happened over here. I basically spent my adolescent years here - the ones most critical to the development of a human in a social environment - mostly in isolation due to my geographic location.

It definitely wasn't to my benefit, I was stuck in a town about 50km away from friends and even school in a country where public transport (at the time) was very inefficient and deficient. From that bred several unhealthy, could you say addictions? Excessive amounts of pornography downloading, which thus earned me the title of "Porn Sultan" at the tender age of 15. To which I believe really didn't help to my development as a member of society.

Overview of what's aggravating me right now, in my head:

1. Problems back in Australia.
   
2. Conflicts with sibling.
   
3. Multiple events involving females which, led to regrettable decisions and consequences.
   
4. Overall regret of what I've done, good and bad.
   

I'm quite unsure if anything should be done at this stage about any of this. I did say at the beginning/end of each problem that I would let time do its magic and let it heal! But I believe its time to be a man and just deal with it. I've had about enough of it, I'm too angry and bitter and sick of the same things over and over again.